Complicated
by Striped Candy
Summary: Magnus is a "free spirit" and doesn't do relationships. He firmly believes that humans and Shadowhunters aren't his type-they're all stuck up and self-centered. It's better to stay with Downworlders; they're the only ones who will ever treat him with respect. The Nephilim won't; they're all prejudiced. Or so he thinks, until a young, black-haired, blue-eyed beauty enters his life.


_(A/N: This an AU Malec fanfic. All characters from TMI will show up in here-or as many as I can fit in here. The prologue is set sometime after Magnus's party in CoB-the one where Simon turns into a rat. Magnus is basically just thinking. Please review so I know how to improve my writing, and to let me know what you liked/disliked.)_

Alec Lightwood. It was a name Magnus had repeated endlessly to himself. The name of a Shadowhunter boy who shouldn't be any different from all the lives who had come before-who _wasn't _different, wasn't special, was totally, spectacularly normal. Magnus had been telling himself this for. . . god, had he really been telling himself this for so long he'd lost track of how much time he'd wasted on this lie? Magnus kept telling himself: Alec wasn't special. He wasn't different. He was just an ordinary Shadowhunter in an extraordinary world. _God, lies, all of it lies. . . _Magnus could not help but think despairingly. Every time he saw Alec, a vision of Will flashed across his sight. Will and Alec, who could be near identical twins, if not separated by a century and a half (more or less; Magnus preferred not to be too specific about time-keeping. Immortality did that to you). But for all their similar looks, their personalities could not be more different.

Will was-had been-a spark. A flame rising up out of the ashes. Everything he had touched seemed to have a glow, everywhere he had gone seemed to have some sort of imprint of his. Alec was not the same way. He was gentle, sweet, dependable. He was very good at what he did, but he was not memorable. But he was a leader in his own way; many Council members respected him and what he had to say, though they would never admit it. Alec was so like Jem, the Jem before the Brotherhood, that it sent a slow, deep ache through Magnus every time he thought of it. Alec and Jem were so alike in personality, but Alec and Will were near identical physically, despite not being from the same bloodline. Magnus could not believe he was crying over (well, mourning) two Shadowhunters long past. Will had been dead for some time, and although Jem was still living, still had time enough here, the Brotherhood had forever changed him, scarring him in ways that were unchangeable; it had made Jem more grave, more serious, more old beyond his aging years, more, well. . . silent, though he was in their service no more.

Alec had come about so suddenly, though much time had passed, and Magnus felt like he had not had enough time to prepare for the seventeen year old Alec Lightwood's arrival. Alec had happened, had suddenly and unexpectedly come into his life that before had mostly been a picture told in smokey pastels. He was. . . this boy was the living incarnation of both Will and Jem. Will in looks, as a happy, nineteen year old who had just married Tessa, and Jem before the Brotherhood.

How was it possible that for all appearances, Magnus wondered, Alec seemed to look, act, and speak like the English _parapati _Magnus had once known, and was still somehow different, somehow his own person? The warlock didn't know. He wanted to know. Or maybe he just wanted Alec so that through him, Magnus could relive a few of the best years of his life.

Magnus was not sure, in all honesty, why it was Alec Lightwood that he was so attracted to, why it was this Shadowhunter his mind kept coming back to. Why did he want Alec? Was it from boredom? Lust? Nostalgia? Loneliness? Curiosity (he'd never been with a Shadowhunter before), or was it just infatuation? Or was it just because unlike so many, Alec had treated him like an equal?

Magnus didn't know. He'd never not been at least fairly sure about how he felt, never not been sure about something like this. Right now he could not be more confused, like he was spinning around in circles trying to make sense of everything. This not knowing made him feel agitated, constantly on edge. . .

All of this, it had to stop. Magnus knew he had to stop pretending like Alec was just like all the other lives he'd known. He knew that something about Alec made him special, made him different. Magnus could not remember the last time he'd felt like this: a whirlwind of excitement and curiosity to try dating someone, confusion, nostalgia, attraction. All of it. Magnus wasn't sure where he'd end up, deciding to wear this curious infatuation like a badge of honor on his chest. Most likely, he'd end up heart-broken. That's how most of his relationships had ended up. Maybe it would just be a simple, no strings attached fling between them. That was what Magnus was used to, after all-brief flings that were hidden away, clinging to shadows as he went about his life.

No matter what happened, Magnus was determined to have some kind of interaction with Alec. And after that, he supposed some sort of friendship (or relationship?) would follow. He would clear up exactly how he felt. But whatever happened, at the end of the day, Magnus knew he wouldn't cry over Alec and whatever brief relationship, romantic or not, that they'd share with each other. Alec was just a human boy in the end Nothing special (even though Magnus knew this wasn't quite true). Magnus would have survived much harder losses.

Of course, later on, Magnus would realize how wrong he was. Because of _course_ Alec would be worth all the pain, all the heart-break Magnus suffered, all the tears the warlock would shed, and all the unshed, mournful ones he held in his heart.


End file.
